I am sitting in my new home waiting for our PODS crate to arrive. Its 8 by 16 feet, stuffed to the gills with all our stuff from California. When it finally arrives, we will spring into a flurry of action: carrying, opening, sorting, shelving, stuffing. Filling up our new home with our old things. Loading up every closet, drawer and shelf with things from other closets, drawers and shelves.
And I am a bit sad. Because I know that as soon as the door of that crate opens… as soon as we are back in the physical possession of the mounds of our stuff… immediately, instantly, magically… we are going to forget something very very important. Something that has been utterly clear to us In these past 3 weeks. That, well, we don’t really need it.
3 weeks ago we packed everything important from our ranch into that crate. And by important I mean everything we could not bear to throw away. We then packed 4 suitcases of the things we needed: 3 sets of street clothes, 2 sets of shabbos clothes, books for the flight, some toys, laptops, documents, family heirlooms, my favorite frying pan and ladle. And we’ve been living from these suitcases for the last 3 weeks. And the truth is… its been fine. We don’t need that much. We don’t that much stuff to be happy or comfortable. Even with 3 kids. But as soon as that crate door opens, we are going to forget this.
I am writing this now because I just remembered this very moment, this very emotion, this very sadness from 6 years ago. We’ve been in California for a month, arriving with backpacks and a suitcase from Israel, all our stuff away on a months long voyage by container ship. And we were fine. We really didn’t need it. We didn’t need any of it to be happy or comfortable. Everything that we really needed fit into our backpacks. Everything we really needed we already took with us.
We talked about it then. 6 years ago. How we just spent thousands of dollars shipping hundreds of pounds of things from Israel to California. Things that we don’t miss. Things that we don’t think about. Things those lack we do not feel. How our new house is nice and empty. Spacious. Airy. Free. Beautiful. How our old apartment did not feel like that… because… well… of all the stuff. Sure we had some clothes in the closet. Some dishes and pots in the kitchen. Some books from a thrift store on our bedside tables. That’s what we actually needed. And we already had it.
But we shipped those other things from Israel to California. And we spent money to ship it. A vacation’s worth of money. Because it was ours. It was our stuff. It had meaning and value. And we could not throw it out or give it away. It was important stuff. Valuable stuff. Meaningful stuff! But we didn’t really need it. And when it arrived… we forgot all about not needing it. The spaciousness and uncluttered of our new house. And 6 years later we did it again. We shipped a vacation worth of stuff from California to Maryland because we could not throw it away…
I am sitting in my new home waiting for our PODS crate to arrive.
I am waiting for the moment when we open the door of the container and forget that we don’t really need any of these things. That our new house could remain spacious and uncluttered. That we already have everything that we need. That what we really needed fit in our suitcases… maybe even our laps. That we don’t need so much stuff. That we, and our kids, are fine without it. That there is another way.
I want to witness first hand the magic moment when our stuff claims us back. That moment when I again need it. Want it. And can no longer throw it away.
Maybe this time, if I watch it happen, maybe it will be different?
I am trying to figure out how not to feel this sadness for a 3rd time. Or maybe to carry this sadness into my life. Post-unpacking. Post-stuff-reclaiming. Post-empty-uncluttered-house. So next time I can throw it out.
And then go on vacation.
With a backpack.